Jeff Miller's Big Idea Creativity seeking form

I am about to blog about clothes. 

This is something new for me.  I don’t think over the ten-odd years I have been blogging I have ever blogged about clothes.  But over the last couple of months clothes have been a large topic of thinking and conversation between MsBoyink and I.  We’ve been focusing so much on clothes because we’re tired of thinking about what to wear.

We’ve discovered that there are two main ways to think about your wardrobe at a high level and what to wear on a daily level:

• Don’t think about your wardrobe - let it grow organically.  Decide what to wear on a daily basis based on what’s available and goes together
• Look at your wardrobe as a system, developing a common base and color scheme.  Spend almost no time on a daily basis because the core pieces are the same and it all goes together

I have always taken the (lazy) #1 approach to my wardrobe.  It consisted of items bought or received piece by piece.  I had a drawer full of t-shirts in a wide array of colors, blue jeans, and the odd pair of khakis.  Up top I had a collection of button-up shirts that I liked on an individual basis, but that could only be worn with certain t-shirts. Many days this was fine - especially if I had no meetings or public outings planned.  But weeks where I would be teaching or at a conference it meant I had to plan what I could wear daily in advance by finding and creating pairings.  Wearing the wrong t-shirt early in the week meant I’d be shorthanded later or have to wear the same t-shirt twice.

Then I ran across this article by a person I had sat four feet away from on a daily basis for over a year. Go read that.  I never noticed her basic wardrobe didn’t change. Her reasoning not only makes sense to me but the idea of not having to think so much about clothes on a daily basis sounded freeing.

So I’ve set out to create my own personal uniform.  I’m almost there and am quite pleased with the results so far.  Here’s my journey:

The Gray T-Shirt
Let me back up a moment.  I need to make the context of this wardrobe approach clear.  If you aren’t familiar with my story, over a year ago I set out on an year long family RV road trip adventure.  We’re currently back in our home town, but have decided that one year wasn’t enough so after a few months of decision making and work projects we’ll be setting out again indefinitely.  What this means from a clothing perspective is that I need a wardrobe that can accommodate a wide variety of temperatures and social settings.

I needed to start with a t-shirt, one color that would work for everything.  In the past I would have considered white but what we found on our travels is that it’s impossible to keep white white.  That’s due to both being more active and outdoors, but also due to doing laundry in places with less than ideal water.  Our whites all look pretty bad at this point.

My second choice was black, but when we’re out hiking on sunny warm days in places like Arizona black doesn’t work so well. Navy would have the same problem.

So it was down to gray - light enough to be comfortable in the sun but dark enough to hide dirt & water stains.  I looked around online thinking I would buy a week’s worth of t-shirts from a high-quality supplier like Lands End or Woolrich, only to find that reviews of their latest products were poor (and many of those reviews from people who’d been buying the same t-shirts for years).  I liked the look of these American Apparel “Military Surplus Tees” but I ended up in a pinch. I was packing for a conference, the laundry wasn’t caught up, and all my t-shirt options were bright colors and didn’t work for the shirts I wanted to wear. I went out and found that the local Target had just placed a fresh display of Jerzee t-shirts and they had seven gray ones in my size for $5/ea. Sold.

Dickies Carpenter Pants
With the basic t-shirts selected it was easier to choose pants.  I’ve been a life-long wearer of Levis but haven’t been as happy with the quality of my last couple of pair.  It seems like they are about 1/2 the thickness they used to be and just don’t hold up as well.  I also wanted something just a bit dressier than basic jeans while staying as comfortable.

I came across the Dickies line being sold at Wal-Mart and found the Relaxed Fit Carpenter Jean in the olive color that would work well with the gray t-shirt.  I bought one pair as an experiment and after a couple of weeks and a couple of washings liked how they felt & fit, so bought another pair.  Actually this proved out an advantage of a standardized wardrobe - I couldn’t find another pair in my size in the olive color locally so just ordered them online.

Sketcher Shoes
Shoes have been a puzzle.  For the last few months I’ve had exactly one pair of shoes - some Keen sandals.  I love them but even with dark socks I don’t feel quite comfortable wearing them to client meetings.  I had thought to buy some shiny black shoes to dress the look up a bit, but then I tried on pair of Skecher Browsers and found them to be the perfect middle-ground shoe, casual enough to wear with just a t-shirt and dressy enough to wear with a button up shirt or more.

Topping It Off
So gray t-shirts, olive carpenter pants, and a pair of Skechers form the basis of my new “uniform”.  But maybe it’s not actually a uniform, because from there I can wear any number of short or long sleeve button up shirts that are either solid or plaids with navy, white, black or grey colors. I also have a couple of navy Henley-style pullovers that will work in this system. 

Beyond the Basics
I plan to buy two more pair of pants in the same olive color.  One a more traditional dress pant for times when I have to meet with corporate clients on their turf.  The second a pair of out-door hiking style pants with zip-off legs which will also add a pair of shorts to the mix.  I might still have a sport-coat that will go with this color scheme - if it didn’t get purged in our pre-trip preparations.  If it’s gone I probably won’t rush to replace it but know I could throw one in the mix if need be.

Coats needed to be considered - I’ve a lightweight black nylon fall coat that will work for mild temps, and a Lands’ End Squall Jacket in navy for colder temps. Nothing new needed there.

The Results
Here’s a couple of pictures from a recent conference where I was “in uniform”:

I love it.

On a daily basis I can grab the basics while I’m still half asleep.  Up top I can grab anything that makes sense based on the weather for the day.  Packing for trips is way easier - I just count the number of days I’ll be gone and toss in enough t-shirts and shirts without worrying about pairings or sequences.  Laundry is easier because it all can go in the same load.  Purging my existing wardrobe was easy - items either worked with the new scheme or they didn’t.  Christmas gift recommendations can be very specific down to item and color.

This particular quote from the article I linked to above has stuck with me:

But the truth is, most people pay more attention to what they are wearing — and whether it’s appropriate, fitting, tucked correctly, accessorized appropriately, or not — and not to what you are wearing. My clothes are not nearly as interesting as the reason my clients want to meet with me — which is them and their business, driving their success. And that’s as it should be.

If I can’t remember what other people wore the day before, why should I worry what they think about my clothes?

I’m not a fashionista.  I don’t need to make statements with my clothes.  I just want to look “put together” and professional enough that I feel comfortable and don’t look out of place in different social settings.  And now I can do that almost without thinking about it.

The platform of a leader is often visible, broad and elevated. So when a leader falls from this place, it can be a hard fall, indeed.

I know of this experience, firsthand, as my pastor-father fell hard and fast from his visible place of mega-church leadership in the early 1990s. While the eyes of the world watched pastor scandals of famed leaders on TV, I watched one of my own unfold, inside our family home.

It was difficult and painful, on every level. But with it came some rich lessons of understanding, grace, and the value of people. It brought about insight into what every tribe member should remember when the one they follow falls. 

1. Your belief in him or her was not necessarily wrong. Often, when a leader falls from their position, those who followed him or her feel duped, setup or foolish. But while we are wise to be discerning in whom we let speak into our lives, we are always to believe the best about people. This includes leaders. Even the most godly, respected leaders can fall from their position, should they allow power, wealth or influence to corrupt them.
2. You are not expected to (nor should you) take personal responsibility for them. When we choose to follow a leader, we choose to invest in their leadership. As a result, we may begin to feel like we are responsible to defend, excuse or speak for them, taking on their fall to the point where it effects us, personally. Though we can offer our support through love and grace, it is not healthy to, in any way, own their actions.
3. Your response will determine your future. Because the position of a leader elicits respect, we are influenced by their actions. For a time, this may mean that we become stagnant or discouraged, doubting our ability to make wise choices or follow trustworthy leaders. But our ability to thrive depends on what we choose next. No matter who we follow that has fallen, we have the ability to move forward, choosing well for ourselves in the future.
4. Your realistic expectation will be important. It is vital to know several things about your fallen leader, going forward. You must know that after a time of sabbatical, the leader you have followed will likely want to lead again. You must know that he or she will feel hurt and will likely attempt to self-protect. You must remember that he or she is human and expect them to respond as such, no matter the size of their platform or far their fall.
5. Your attitude toward him or her may produce change. When leaders fall, they learn to expect judgment from the watchful eyes of the world.  But they long for gracious people to believe in them again. When a leader is offered grace, it provides a measure of necessary healing to their soul, which, in turn buoys their self-esteem. A tribe member who understands this can offer his or her leader a type of leadership back by leading out in a campaign of understanding and love. 

Like any other human who suffers the loss of a valued role, when a leader falls from his or her platform, they struggle to find their place. While he or she is responsible to maintain their own integrity, it is the support members of their tribe that can help them learn to stand, again, from a very public leadership fall.

As I indicated in yesterday’s post, many people drift through life without a plan. For some, things work out fine. For most, they end up far from their intended destination.

Others, end up living someone else’s dream, the victim of another agenda. This almost happened to a Mexican fisherman in a story told by Tim Ferriss in The 4-Hour Work Week. (This story appears in various forms on the Internet.)

An American businessman took a vacation to a small coastal Mexican village on doctor’s orders. Unable to sleep after an urgent phone call from the office the first morning, he walked out to the pier to clear his head. A small boat with just one fisherman had docked, and inside the boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

“How long did it take you to catch them?” the American asked.

“Only a little while,” the Mexican replied in surprisingly good English.

“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” the American then asked.

“I have enough to support my family and give a few to friends,” the Mexican said as he unloaded them into a basket.

“But … What do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican looked up and smiled. “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Julia, and stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor.”

The American laughed and stood tall. “Sir, I’m a Harvard M.B.A. and can help you. You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. In no time, you could buy several boats with the increased haul. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats.”

He continued, “Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village, of course, and move to Mexico City, then to Los Angeles, and eventually New York City, where you could run your expanding enterprise with proper management.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, señor, how long will all this take?”

To which the American replied, “15–20 years. 25 tops.”

“But what then, señor?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”

“Millions, señor? Then what?”

“Then you would retire and move to a small coastal fishing village, where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos …”

The only thing worse than drifting without a plan is having your plans hijacked by someone else.

You can avoid this unfortunate end and make sure you are fulfilling your unique, God-given calling by answering these three questions:

1. Am I living my own dream or someone else’s? If we are not careful, we can unconsciously be following someone else’s agenda for our lives. This usually happens because we are unwilling to take responsibility for our own lives.
2. What is my dream? This can get lost in the complexity of life. As a result, we need to pause and remember our own agenda. What is it that we believe God is calling us to be and to do? What is our passion? What would we do if we were brave?
3. What can I do now to move in the direction of my dream? The only way to reclaim our dream is to reject all substitutes and begin moving in the direction of our dreams. We don’t have to do anything heroic. We can start small and take baby steps. The issue is to make sure we are making progress toward our goals.

Don’t spend your life fulfilling someone else’s agenda. Accept responsibility for your own life. Pursue your goals and live your dream. Live an intentional life.

Over the course of my life, I have worked with a lot of planners. As a corporate executive, I worked with strategic planners. As a speaker, I work with event planners. And, as the father of five daughters, I’ve worked with my share of wedding planners.

But I have met very few life planners—people who have a written plan for their lives.

Instead, most are passive spectators, watching their lives unfold a day at a time. They may plan their careers, the building of a new home, or even a vacation. But it never occurs to them to plan their life.

As a result, when they get into their 40s, 50s, and 60s, many of them are left wondering what went wrong. Perhaps:

• Their health is failing;
• Their marriage is broken; or
• Their career is stalled.

Maybe their relationship with God seems distant and unfulfilling.

They have become a victim of the drift.

Years ago, Gail and I went to Maui to celebrate our anniversary. On the second day, we took snorkeling lessons. We started in the swimming pool, then progressed to the coral reef next to our hotel. We loved it. It was like swimming in a huge aquarium.

Later that same day, we rented some snorkeling gear and determined that we would venture out on our own. We had discovered a new sport that we could do together.

The next morning we ventured down to the beach. There wasn’t another soul around. It was like a scene from Blue Lagoon—pristine, tranquil, and stunning. We couldn’t wait to get into the water.

As we paddled about in the lagoon, facing down in the water, we were mesmerized by the aquatic life teeming just a few feet below us. We saw brightly colored fish, gently swaying plants, and, of course, the coral reef itself—alive with activity. It was truly a wow experience.

At some point, I decided to lift my head out of the water and look around. I gasped. Caught in a riptide, we had drifted more than a mile out to sea. The shoreline looked impossibly far away. Our hotel—all the hotels—looked like toys in the distance.

I immediately shouted to Gail who, fortunately, was still just a few feet from me. She looked up, saw our predicament, and then looked at me in near-panic. “Oh my gosh. What are we going to do?”

Fortunately, we had a “boogie board” with us, on which we could place shells and other items we hoped to find on the ocean floor. We both grabbed on to it and started paddling for our lives—literally.

We swam for more than an hour. Eventually, as we neared the shore, we stood up in the shallow water. We trudged up to the beach and collapsed in the sand. We were utterly exhausted.

We realized just how close we had come to disaster. This was not the outcome we had intended when we innocently slipped into the water that morning.

Many people experience this with their life. They look up and find themselves far away from where they thought they would be at this point in their lives.

You can avoid the drift, by following these three steps:

1. Become aware of your current location. Wake up. Where are you in relation to where you know you should be? Don’t beat yourself up. Simply acknowledge your current reality. You can’t go somewhere else until you acknowledge where you are right now.
2. Decide where you want to go. The essence of life planning is envisioning a better future. Let yourself dream. What kind of health do you want to possess? What kind of marriage do you want to enjoy? What kind of career do you want to have? Why settle for drifting to a boring—or even dangerous—situation.
3. Start working toward your destination. Once you have acknowledged where you are and decided where you want to be, you can begin paddling in the direction of your goals. Yes, it will take work. But, when you have a plan, everyday becomes an opportunity to move toward your destination.

You may feel that you’ve drifted too far off course to get back. This is simply not true. It’s never to late. You can harness the power of incremental change over time and get back on track faster than you think.

When it comes to fitness and health, what I hear the most is, “I just don’t have the time to exercise.” It’s true you need the time, but there’s something else you need more.

A couple of years ago, I had to do something in one of my businesses that I truly feared. I had to layoff a third of the work force.

The economic crash of 2008 had caught up with us and our business dropped substantially. We were burning through cash like an out of control brush fire. I had to lay people off but I had to have conversations I didn’t want to have: with the staff and myself.

I feared what might happen to the employees: Would they find work? Would I be the one responsible for putting them on the street? How do I tell them? And in my head, the conversation I heard was, ”You can’t do it.”

It was awful.

But, I had to act in the presence of fear. I needed courage.

It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but I did it and saved the company. And, I know that if I have another situation, one that creates, the same “I don’t want to have this conversation,” I have something to look back on, steps to follow, so I can find the courage I need.

Carving out the time to care for yourself, you’ll often need to have a conversation. Either to ask someone else to change with you (spouse, partner) or just with yourself (like I did in my business) to make a change.

People like routine more than change. Maybe your wife or husband will have to get the kids ready for school so you can fit in an early morning exercise routine. Doesn’t sound so hard, right? Unless that person is used to you doing those things. And if the conversation is with yourself, well, it’s even harder. You probably know that.

What many people fear is creating a new conversation about how to make change work. And because we usually avoid those conversations, we believe we don’t have time. And then we fail to build a new habit.

Without courage, there are no new habits.

Some people think that you either have courage or you don’t. But that’s not true. Courage is an emotional muscle. You build your courage “muscle” a lot like you build any muscle. You use it and exercise it. A little at first, then try a little more, and repeat
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So, to build your courage and overcome the “exercise time” barrier, try these 9 steps:

1. Make a list of options. You’ve heard things like, “get up earlier,” “use your lunch hour,” or “walk after dinner.” Write all the options you can think of to exercise.
2. Write out your “Yeah, but” for each option. We all have excuses for why these options won’t work. So, write them out next to the option.  Maybe you wrote, “Walk for thirty minutes after work” and next to it, “Yeah, but I have to pick up the kids after school.” This helps you find all of your objections and makes them real.
3. Find One “Yeah, but” and Make it a “Yeah, but I can!” If you are courageous, you will find at least one thing on your list you can make work. It could be asking your spouse to get the kids, or it could be skipping a favorite TV show to go for a walk. It’s there. Don’t quit on yourself. Don’t give up until you find one thing and then have the conversation.
4. Put it on a calendar. Now, that you have a “Yeah, but I can” option, choose the day you’ll start and choose a duration—maybe a month—on a calendar.
5. Tell someone about it. Accountability is a key factor in forming new habits. Tell a friend what you’re planning to do and ask your friend to check in with you and hold you to it.
6. Do it. When the day comes, act. No fear. Get up and get out the door. You’ve just exercised your courage muscle.
7. Do it again. Put it back on the calendar to do again. More courageous exercise.
8. Repeat. Until you’re ready to add something else.
9. Tell it. When you finish, tell someone. Celebrate it! Call your friend, post it on Facebook, Tweet it. You’ll be surprised how many people will rally around you.

If you exercise your courage, you will have a long list of healthy new habits.